Friday, August 27, 2010

Private Journal, August 26

Private Journal, August 26, 2010

This language of astrology has become a voice for me. But it’s strange how ambivalent I feel about it! I hate cocktail-talk astrology, and just don’t do it. And when I called Kendra after the last letter about her miscarriage, I certainly didn’t want to “talk astrology” but the language of the heart.

Just remembered that it was today, Aug 26th, 1920 that women got the right to vote--those suffragettes struggled to have a "voice" and we each still struggle to find our true voice and express it....why am I so reluctant at times?

When I told Kendra that I feel like a “reluctant astrologer” she asked me what this meant--and I couldn’t find the words! So now as I sit here writing in this journal I’m going to try to “think it out” and find my voice that is so often reluctant and ambivalent about astrology….

First there’s the good: this language has given me a voice so that I can speak and counsel others without pathologizing, blaming or shaming. It’s short term therapy—and all therapies—seem to me to me to be the same at the core. Different techniques, yes, and some better at different times, but doesn’t it all come down to: LOVE heals & INSIGHT heals. That’s the heart of it: understanding, catharsis/crying, and love. Love heals.

When astrology “normalizes” experience, as in “yes, that’s one of the ways that a Saturn Return will play out in your life” there’s comfort there, as one can feel connected to a larger sense of meaning and patterns—even a God—something that is not all about random chaos, and luck or the lack of it—or will power and the lack of it.

And when an astrologer listens well—there can be a sense of loving connection between them as well as this connection to a larger pattern of things—even if it’s only to sacred wounds we all carry.

There are times when astrology is “eerily” on target—when what I say and the details of the story of their life synchronize strangely. How could I know those things if astrology wasn’t at least partially true? How could I know that the key to a Pluto transit is about letting go and surrender, whereas the key to a Jupiter transit is “be careful what you wish for, as you may get it?” Hmm… Jupiter transits sound like a coaching session---“do you know what you really want?” whereas a Neptune focused session might be more like: “No, you’re not losing your mind or getting Alzheimer’s, but you just need to let it be OK to “not know” right now…and don’t sign on the dotted line either till this transit passes…!”

So….what’s the problem then….with astrology? With me? Bottom line: there is no way I or anyone else can say how a particular sign or aspect or transit will be played out. Too much variation; no tight foretelling or “signatures” for events. So when a planet, like Saturn, crosses the 4th house cusp, I can see that one's going to start thinking about moving, or at the least, about radical re-modeling a home—because there's a correspondence between your inner sense of home and the outer physical home--yes, there’s a change coming in remaking this foundation, but no way of knowing how it will be acted out.

I wonder if it doesn’t all come down to the fact that we have free will being separate Souls making different choices….and astrology being more like a weather forecast than a fortune teller’s prediction. I think if a fortune teller or psychic is right, it’s more likely that a person is in their default habitual pattern of doing things, and not aware of all their possibilities. I guess that’s what astrology should do….make us aware of these opportunities and challenges so that we make the best choices.

But still…I remain reluctant. What happens when we see multiple aspects that are challenging all at the same time? Like what I am facing in the next few years…I wonder if it plants a seed of anxiety? But maybe that’s not bad? I get to sense my mortality, so my decisions might be better. The Buddhists seem to think that meditating upon impermanence is a good idea. I’m not sure…. I think I'm going to go to my studio and paint--get out of my head for awhile, and then maybe send Kendra some of these ponderings....

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