Monday, November 29, 2010

The Letter and the Journal: What is Said, and What is Felt

Dear Kendra~

Yes, all that Pluto in Tomas’s chart is a bit unnerving! Pluto can be ruthless and strip our egos of everything we think we need—even our health and closest relationships. Yet this Pluto, this “God of the Underworld” is somewhere in everyone’s birth chart—and it’s always busy “revolutionizing” by clearing away the old and making room for the new.

I think Tomas’ strong Pluto in his birth chart reveals his deep vulnerability, fear…and his strength. Did I tell you he kept fingering his Celtic cross as we talked? In mythology, Pluto wore a helmet that made him invisible, and as you may remember he stole Persephone and brought her to the underworld as his wife. It’s a strange story really—about a young woman losing her innocence, leaving her mother, and spending half the time in the underworld with her husband, Pluto, and the other half of her time in the above-world with her mother, Demeter.

BTW, did you know that Pluto has been demoted from a planet? I think it’s because of its tiny size (but astronomers don’t know it’s the most powerful ‘planet’ in astrology) and Demeter, who was once unnoticed by astronomers and astrologers, has now been promoted to the status of a planet, because of her size. Ah…the importance of “the Mother”!

Now they just discovered a new planet out beyond Pluto called Eris or Xena. Like the film goddess, Xena, she’s about the female warrior spirit, probably because she’d in the constellation of assertive Aries. Astrologers don’t know what to make of this new planet yet, as the meaning of the discovery of a planet always reflects something of the zeitgeist of the times. And Eris/Xena seems to reflect both the chaos and randomness of this time in history and the spirit of women’s struggle.

Hah! Sometimes I think science and astrology mix like oil and water…but history and astrology correlate in tandem, as the meaning of each new planet always reflects the nature of the time it’s discovered. When revolutionary Uranus was discovered in the 1700’s we had both the American, Russian and French revolutions. So, who knows how the archetypal “woman” beyond Pluto may impact our lives….?

But to answer your question about Tomas’ character: I don’t know whether it’s good to judge anyone too much by looking at their chart, as we don’t know how a person has acted out these energies. Being born with a lot of Pluto, like Tomas, can mean he was subject to a lot of trauma in life. But it doesn’t mean he was guilty or bad in any way because of it! In fact, with Pluto it’s really a victory to not fall into feeling like the victim, but to surrender to the story and heal. Many therapists have a strong Pluto—it’s like having a stamp on your passport, saying you’ve “been to hell and back”. You could say with Pluto: “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.”

Both Alistair and Tomas are strong men, each in their own way. I’m holding my loneliness and yearning with the “unknowing” of what’s going to happen---holding the tension of the opposites now, and waiting for the way to be clear—to hear from them! Do you remember Carl Jung counseling this? About holding the tension of the two opposites, till the third way is revealed? I am attempting to do that. Not easy.



Journal, December 1st

Tomas dropped by unexpectedly as I was finishing the email to Kendra. He found me crying. I was going to work on “the reading” with him for Friday, but he caught me…unprepared, in a moment.

As I looked up from writing to Kendra about Xena and Jung’s Reconciling Third Way, Tomas appeared at the door, and as soon as I let him in, I almost collapsed into my own counseling chair—

“Something’s wrong, isn’t it? Tomas took my hand in both of his. You can tell me…Isabelle….we don’t have to stay in any roles here. Just tell me what’s happening.”

“Tomas—tell me, if Alistair meant what he said about our story not being over, why doesn’t he come here? Why isn’t he with me now after my mother’s death…why does he keep me waiting? Why is he still –off in Europe somewhere? He doesn’t even email me. Sophie doesn’t either. What’s happening? I don’t know if I’m more sad, than mad, or more mad than sad. I can barely stand what I’m feeling.” I looked up at Tomas and a great wave of peace came over me. He was here. He was with me now; and holding my hand. Maybe this was all I needed.

Tomas continued holding my hand as he sat down. His head dropped. For a moment he didn’t say anything. When he looked up I could see his eyes were closed.

“Heavenly Father….Divine Mother” he began. “We ask your help and support for Isabelle. We ask that her way be made clear and that she feel the Spirit of God within and around her. Let her know she is loved, and that your Love always will always answer her every human need. Grant her peace...”

Tomas’ large hands were cradling and holding mine. There was energy here—it felt as if we had a direct line to God. No interference or static. Warm energy encircled us, and my mind flashed to Sophie’s healing circle of prayer at Lindisfarne.

Tomas continued: “Do not doubt the rightness of the two sides within you, and let whatever may happen, happen. A life without inner contradiction and tension is either only half a life or a life in the Beyond, which is destined only for angels. But God loves human beings more than the angels….Amen.”

“Amen” I whispered. “Didn’t Jung say that?” I asked.

“Exactly—I memorized it. There’s more to it, but that part stays with me. Ah…so my dear, I guess I dropped by at the right moment, yes?”

“Yes….perfect timing. And tomorrow, Friday…you’ll come by?”

He nodded. “Tomorrow I’ll come to you and you will hold me, and guide me. We can change roles that easy. Why not? Teacher-student, counselor-counselee….” He grinned, and walked to the door as I whispered my thanks again.

I’m struck by the synchronicity of Tomas quoting Jung to me just after I wrote to Kendra using Jung’s ideas. I want Kendra to see the tense paradoxes of people and astrology without being judgmental, but for me it’s about holding the tension of the opposites of sad and mad. Can I “hang in there” when the two people I love most are not even communicating with me? Is it deliberate or what? My heart wants to be with Alistair and Sophie again, and to let the mystery of their silence not crush me, or make me mad. But…I’m paranoid. I don’t get it. My angry sadness wants to take hold of me. And somewhere in there, I see that Tomas is in the equation now too. (c) elizabeth spring

1 comment:

Elizabeth Spring said...

Thanks for your comments via Facebook guys! I might actually dis-able the comments part here in awhile since direct emailing and FB seems to be the way we are connecting....