Monday, July 26, 2010
When I made that first call to you before our letters began, I was surprised to hear you're going through a Saturn Return as well! Your Second Saturn Return at 60 years old, and me, at my First Saturn Return at 30! Or did you say you'd just been through it? How is it different from the first one at my age?
I too feel moved by the synchronicity of our connecting, but I don’t understand it.
So I tried dreaming into the “Going to Paris” idea you suggested, but after a couple of hours with my journal I got too depressed, and called a friend who talked me into going to the beach! We packed a picnic, told stories, and took silly photographs. It was the first good day I've had in a long time. It was also the only day I've had off work for a long time.
But then, this morning I got “notice” that my temporary work at Starbucks would be ending. They said I'm just not fast enough and don't appear interested in what I'm doing...well, it's true! More than two coffees and I'm wired, and it feels like everyone's putting on a show I find very boring.... I have to admit I’ve been miserable at this job, but I don’t know how I’m going to afford this! I tend to worry too much, and I don't want to have to go home and live with my parents. Thinking of that makes me feel like a "looser"….and my love life, well, that’s another story. My old boyfriend has basically dropped out of my life.
But I feel so grateful to have you and these letters, especially since I feel alone in a way I never quite felt before.
Please.......pleeze.....write me about these Saturn Returns and what I can expect— what I need to do….when I feel anxious like this I don't sleep and even have trouble eating. So stupid. But what do I need to do? Who do I love? Sometimes I wonder if what I think and do is too selfish or unrealistic....
Did you see the full Moon last night? When I looked at it, I couldn’t help but think that “magic is afoot” and that something is healing in me, even though it feels like it’s all falling apart! I love the paradoxes of my life and of astrology--so full of contradictions and sometimes just 'wishing on a star' helps....
I know you love astrology, so why did you tell me that you think of yourself as a “reluctant astrologer”?
I saw on your website that the Saturn Return is the time when we start to become the true author of our own life story--like becoming our own "authority." And that being disciplined can be like being a "disciple to what you love"---but I don't know what I love and feel I have no authority.
Tell me more about this Saturn Return in your next letter, will you?